500 Words a Week - The Concept of Normal

The idea of being “normal” is often seen as a virtue. But what does it actually mean?

The conventional idea of being normal relates to conforming to a predefined set of norms and expectations. Ones you had no say in creating. It's not just a social idea. It's also deeply rooted in our evolutionary past.

In early human history, standing out from the group could be dangerous. Behaviours that encouraged cohesion, safety, and reproductive success were favoured. Over time, these survival instincts became embedded in culture. A preference for sameness and social harmony got wired into how we live, raise children, and build institutions.

But what helped our ancestors survive doesn’t always serve us today.

Modern life still rewards conformity in subtle and overt ways. Schools teach us to “sit down, be quiet, and listen up.” We’re encouraged to follow instructions, not ask too many questions, and colour inside the lines. Those who do are often labelled as “good” or “well-behaved.” Those who don’t may be seen as difficult or disruptive.

These norms don’t end with school. In workplaces, universities, and other institutions, fitting in often brings security. Those who challenge the norm can be overlooked. Conforming offers a kind of safety, a way to avoid scrutiny or blame. If something goes wrong, we can say, “I did what I was supposed to. I followed the rules.”

There’s comfort in not standing out. In blending into the background. In doing what’s expected.

But at what cost?

The pursuit of “normal” can come at the expense of our individuality, creativity, and authenticity. When we internalise messages like “be a good girl/ boy” or “don’t rock the boat,” we often learn to suppress what makes us unique. We shape ourselves to fit a mould, rounding off edges that don’t fit the societal ideal.

This can lead to a fragile sense of self. People-pleasing. And an over-reliance on external validation. The problem isn’t that we want to be accepted, it’s that the cost of that acceptance is often our own voice.

In today’s world, the definition of normal seems to be shifting.

Where conformity once ruled, now there’s pressure in the opposite direction. To be radically unique, hyper-individual, always different. You’re expected to “stand out,” to brand yourself as special, to be the exception. This in itself can become a kind of conformity. If everyone is trying to be different in the same ways, how different are we really?

We’re left with two competing desires, the desire to fit in and the desire to stand out.

There may not be a perfect answer.

There’s value in some norms, like the importance of community, family and certain shared values. And there’s also value in breaking away from norms aimed at making us more docile and supplicant.

The challenge is to know which is which. To have the strength to honour what still matters, when others abandon it. And the courage to challenge what no longer serves you, when others conform.

There’s no one-size-fits-all definition of normal. But by stepping back, questioning the defaults, and paying attention to what feels important to us, we give ourselves the best chance of building a life that’s both meaningful and our own.